toddlers and ponies
by uniabocetaP
Summary: Theoden is called upon to solve an emergency, only to find out that his sister's children cause chaos again.
1. Chapter 1

Theoden thought that he liked kids until the moment he met his nephew and niece. Now the King of Rohan was seriously considering banning kids from existing in his Realm. It should be possible to do so. He was the King of the Mark, his wishes equalled law in his realm.

Surely, no one would miss kids. Specifically, no one would miss these particular kids. Theodwyn's children, Eomer and Eowyn, were only eight and three years old, but whenever they visited Edoras, chaos ensued. Chicken were chased out of their coops; flour decorated his throne room tapestries and hay was stacked next to the weapons. Theoden had hoped that Eomer would have calmed down by now. At eight years he was eligible to start training. The training to become a Knight of the Mark was rigorous but did nothing to curb his natural energy; he had established himself as the de facto leader of the boys. As for Eowyn… Theoden had sighed in relief when news of his sister's daughter reached him. His relief was proven misplaced once the baby turned into a toddler and started roaming the halls of his Palace.

It was an exceptionally beautiful morning until Hama run into his study. His expression was grave; something wrong must have happened, and Theoden knew who the culprit was.

"Is it Eomer and Eowyn?"

"Yes, my lord".

"And?" the King had to prompt the young man once the silence grew too long.

"War, my lord". His guard's face was pale and Theoden realized his was close to a mental breakdown. Hama had been assigned to guard his sister's children, a task which proved to not be for the faint hearted. Were those tears that Theoden spied welling on the corner of the young man's eyes?

_More evidence that no one will miss those rascals if I ban them from my land, _Theoden mused, _We ought to establish it as a national day. _

"Lead me to them_"_ the King stood up from behind his desk resigned. Under other circumstances, he would have sent word to Theodwyn. His sister was sick, pale and feverish in her maiden bed. No, he had to deal with them and let his sister recover.

Hama led his King outside the Palace and into the adjacent courtyard. Soon, the King identified their destination as the Royal Stables. There, stable boys, riders, members of the Royal Guard and the public had gathered around the smaller of the Stables. Theoden knew that they kept ponies in this one, a sight that was never as exciting as the latest foal or the newest stallion. They did not look inside the building, however, but upwards. Theoden followed the direction of their gaze and almost suffered a heart attack.

Eowyn was perched on top of the roof, her arms crossed in front of her in a way that most of the court agreed it was reminiscent of the way her uncle crossed them. In fact, the said uncle assumed the exact same pose from the bottom of the building.

"Eowyn!" he called. "Please, come down".

"No!" she shouted her favourite new word. Theoden could feel the beginning of a headache, which was not good. A long discussion was ahead of them. For a brief moment he considered to sent someone to climb up the roof (_how the fuck did she reach up there?_) and bring her small squealing form down. Unfortunately, this was not how Theodwyn treated her children and thus it was out of the question for him as well.

He was King of the Mark, trained to negotiate and solve problem daily. In fact, just a little over an hour ago, he had successfully run a council meeting without any of his advisors killing each other. How hard could it be to reason with a three-year-old?

"Why not?" he prompted gently. At the same time, he whispered his instructions to Hama "Dispel the crowd. I need not an audience, while I deal with my sister's daughter".

"Cause… no!" the answer was not more forthcoming than before. Reasoning with Eowyn was usually a near impossible task. At least, the spectators were leaving the courtyard, eventually remaining only the King, Hama and the people employed at the Royal Stables.

"Why did you get up there?"

"Eomer's fault!"

_Could it ever be only one of them, _Theoden doubted it. "Why is it Eomer's fault?"

"Didn't let me feed!"

"Feed?" confusion ruled him.

"His pony!" her voice cracked a bit, a complain and pain mixed in it. The confusion he felt was diminished, though. "I want to feed her! I want one!" the toddler continued yelling. No doubt she felt that the world's injustice was resting upon her shoulders.

How cruel was her little world! At least Theoden could emphasize with the particular emotion. All Rohirrim loved horses, and ponies, and naturally, they wished to befriend each and single one of them. On the other hand, he could understand Eomer as well. Most people hated to share the love of their ride, especially with sisters who tended to claim everything. He himself had plenty of experience on the topic.

"Where is Eomer?" he asked Hama.

"Inside the stable, my lord".

The King tried to open the stable, but it was barred from the inside. He looked at Hama, but it was a stable boy who had the answer.

"He has barred the door to keep us out".

Theoden sighed. He wished Theodred, his son, was present. He had a natural way with kids, a train inherited from his mother. He was not there, and Theoden had to deal with the situation himself. Wishful thinking would not get him anywhere.

"Eomer! Come out!"

"No!" came the muffled answer from inside the building.

Why did Eomund's children loved that word so much? He could recall an instant during his own son behaved in such a stubborn way.

"Eomer, come out!"

"No!"

"It is an order". The boy had just started his training, and hopefully calling on him like a commander does his soldier, would resonate with the boy. Moreover, Theoden had more experience with unruly soldiers than unruly kids. His son had always been quiet. _Poor Theodred, the loss of a parent made him more reserved than a kid should have been. Quite the opposite outcome than with those two, _he mused as the door got unlocked and the door opened a little. He felt sorrow and grief fill up his heart on the sight of his nephew. He looked so much like his father; a father who he lost recently.

_I must remember to be gentler. _It was only logical that the kids would reach in a weird manner, expressing feeling they could not comprehend in an incomprehensible way. _What will happen to them if they lose their mother as well?_

"Yes..?", he paused a moment before remembering his training. "my lord?"

"Why are you hidden in there, disrupting the common life?"

"Eowyn wants to feed my pony!"

"Why is this so bad? It is good for horses and ponies to get accustomed to more than one person… who better than your sister to aid you in this part of its training?" he could think of a thousand people more fit to help Eomer with his pony, but it would be counterintuitive to solving the situation.

"She is not good for ponies!" his nephew forgot the training he had received and almost shouted at Theoden.

"Why?" the uncle employed the second most favorite word of Eomund's children.

"She wants to feed her potato casserole!"

The stable boy snickered behind him, but he stopped once his King looked him with austere expression. "Did you explain to her that your pony cannot eat potato casserole? Did you explain to her that the spices in the food will make your pony sick?" he asked, surely, the boy had tried to reason with the toddler?

"No! She should have known! She is…"

"…three years old" the King finished the sentence with as much patience as he could muster.

Silence followed, the young boy pondering on the meaning of the words. He seemed eager to accept the solution offered to him, but it might as well be wishful thinking from Theoden's side.

"If Eowyn would try to feed your pony, with carrots, will you allow her? Carrots are good for ponies" he tried to pressure the situation towards a solution.

"I guess…" Eomer whispered, and the King almost jumped in celebration. "… but I will get to pick the treat".

At least one of them was cooperating. Now he had to face the dreadful toddler. It was easier to reason with Orcs than her.

"Eowyn, come down".

"No".

"You can feed the pony carrots".

"No!"

"Why?" toddlers and ponies had exhausted him.

"I want to feed her potato casserole!" she screamed and got up. All the adults present took a step closer to stable as the toddler wobbled towards the edge.

"No way!" Eomer was getting angry again, and Theoden wanted to cry. Or laugh. Or hide in his study and never come out again.

"Casserole!"

"Enough!" Theoden startled both to silence. He had realized soon that if he did not yell often, then it would have a greater effect when he did yell.

"Eowyn, if you feed her potato casserole, the pony will die".

"I do not die!" She had a valid point.

"You are not a horse. A horse cannot eat all our food and vice versa. Can you eat hay?"

She seemed to think his words. "Alright…" she relented and this time Theoden allowed himself to smile in relief.

"Hama, will you bring her down?" his words were unnecessary, his guard had already gone to fetch the toddler.

Theoden walked in the stable to find Eomer grooming his pony. He had been uninterested in whether his sister would be convinced to come down the roof or not.

"Did you decide how you will name your pony?" he asked gently, expecting a lengthy list of possible names.

"No. I want mother's advice. She promised to help me pick one for her".

The boy's voice was soft with worry but firm with conviction that his mother will get better soon. The King's heart once again almost broke under the weight of sadness, his own conviction about Theodwyn's health was not as firm as Eomer's.

Hama entered the stables with Eowyn in his arms. He handed her to the King, who held up to his eye level. She was not looking at him though; she was staring suspiciously at the pony, as if it might drop dead at any moment.

"Shall we have some lemon cakes?" he asked in an effort to draw her attention away from the pony. His relatives in Gondor had sent a most excellent batch of lemon's; the kids loved them as much as he did.

"Yes!" they cried in unison, for the first time not disagreeing with him. Their little faces lit up with excitement in the prospect of a treat. Maybe it was not so bad to have them around after all. In the end, he could always make his least favorite court members to deal with their tantrums.

"Can ponies eat lemon cakes?" Eowyn inquired and Theoden realized he was too quick to celebrate.


	2. Chapter 2

"Uncle!" Eowyn at eight years old was no less energetic than when she was a mere toddler. She was even more frightening than before. She had acquired an easy in commanding everyone around her that promised her development in a formidable lady. "Uncle, come on! You promised to come with me. Did you forget?"

Theoden had not forgotten. He remembered pledging himself as her tutor during her first ride upon her own mount. He had held this promise to Theodred and Eomer. Now it had come her turn. The King let himself to be dragged outside the hall, and down the stables. The little girl had spend a considerable amount of time observing her brother and the older kids preparing their horses or ponies for riding and no help was required by him. Soon they were outside Edoras trotting about the open landscape.

Their morning was easy, time past fast. He was proud to see how skillful she was, she looked as if she had been born on top of the pony. He wished his long departed sister could see her now; she would have beamed with pride at her daughter's first ride. The morning was sunny and the sunrays made the sibelmine petals sparkle, jewels on top their ancestors last resting places.

They rode largely in silence, with Eowyn focusing on keeping her seat and not mistreating her pony. Sometimes he would comment on her posture or her grip. She was intend to learn and drunk up all his advice readily, thirsty to catch up with everyone else. Theoden led them a bit further away from the royal tombs towards the first outpost, and then they did a wide circle to ride towards the city. Even though she was used of being on top a horse, Theoden judged it better not to push her too much. It was more tiring to lead the horse than just be carried around.

Once back to the stables, Theoden asked "Do you have a name for your pony?"

Her little face creased in thought. "Arod".

"Arod…" he tasted to name, tried it to see if it fitted the pony. The pony flickered its ears in the sound of his prospective name. "It is a good name".

His niece did not seem to wait for his opinion upon the matter. She had already started feeding to her pony carrots in quantities that were alarming. A smile formed on Theoden's face as he recalled another memory, from five years ago. He tried to assume his kingly face, as Eowyn called his serious frowned which mostly showed during court.

"Eowyn, can I treat the pony myself?"

"Alright" was the somewhat reluctant answer.

"Hmmmm…. Maybe I can feed Arod potato casserole".

The little girl turned to face him in disbelief. "No!"

"Lemon cakes, perhaps?"

"No! What has gotten into you uncle?" her shocked face relaxed as soon as she noticed the humour in his eyes. "It is good, that you are not the one who feeds your horse!" she shot back.

"Respect, Eowyn! If I was a more stubborn uncle, I would pout on top of the stable roof by now…"

Realization fully dawned on her. She could not keep from rolling her eyes at him. "Again that story! When will you get bored of it?"

"I do not think I will get bored of it in the near future".

"I am a grown girl now. I am not so stupid as back then".

_You still are young, innocent and naïve, _he thought. _I wish you had never to grow up. _

"Besides, I am not sure that the story is true… It sounds more like something Eomer would do".

Theoden to laugh at her face; she had become good at imitating the snobbish ladies of his Knights. She sighed in the same exasperated tone, causing him to laugh louder. "Alright, here is a carrot. You can feed him. I still love you, even though you tease me".

"I love you too, niece".


End file.
